User talk:Lieutenant commander onyx/'Xytan'vox' o'megadama
NCF Discussion Hi there, name's . I'm a Site Patroller here on Halo Fanon moderator and I came across your article and noted issues regarding the article's canon friendliness, in that it breaks our site's Canon Policy and Site Rules. I'll leave a list of items that goes against our policy and means to fix them. If you wish to discuss the issues, you can message me on my talk page and I'll try to respond as soon as I can. You have about two weeks before I will have to namespace the article - changing the article name so it follows site policy of hiding away articles that don't abide by our rules. We won't delete anything but we highly recommend you make the necessary changes as we don't like marking articles as non-canon, even if its necessary. #The name is 'Xytan mantadama (Nothing particularly wrong with this one but the name is written in the wrong manner of Sangheili naming conventions. Recommend changing it to "Xytan 'Mantadama". Also, I'm slightly concerned that you just copied several names of different, famous Sangheili and slapped them together.) #He's age 18 and taller than the largest known Sangheili in canon. (I don't know what age system you're using but both among Sangheili and Humans - he's too young and far too tall for his age. The best fix is to up his age into the 50-100 year range and bringing him back down to the average Sangheili height around 7 to 8 feet tall.) #"made a UNSC admiral commit suicide..." (Don't know why and it seems like something you added just to make Xytan seem really powerful, cool, and scary - I recommend either taking it out or finding a good way to explain this.) #Xytan participated during the Battle of Earth and almost glassed it. (The Sangheili didn't take part in that, any ships that were part of Truth's forces after the start of the Great Schism were Brute-led and the Sangheili on Earth were quietly assassinated during the events of Halo 2 and Halo 3: ODST. On the other hand, Xytan's ship could never have been part of Regret's 15-ship fleet during Halo 2 either since we know both supercarriers and one was destroyed.) #he retreated to High Charity and fought the Brutes there (Supercarriers are good but they're not that good. Consider finding another way to tell your story.) #He discover another Halo (Which one? Because the Prophets discovered Delta Halo during Halo 2 before Xytan could have found it and Gamma Halo was discovered by accident by Humans from Tribute so couldn't have been that one, and then a bunch of other Halos have yet to be discovered so its unlikely it was those ones too or they would have been mentioned in later Halo books. Consider taking this part out.) #he glassed High Charity after it followed him, carrying the Flood (This goes against the events of Halo 2 and Halo 3. High Charity was still present around Delta Halo during all the events of Halo 2 so it could not have jumped away and it was until Halo 3 that it jumped directly into the orbit of Mars before jumping again directly to the Lesser Ark so there really isn't much room for it to have glassed by your Sangheili's forces or followed him to the Halo he went to. He also doesn't have the firepower to glass High Charity when it would probably have more power than his entire supercarrier combined. I remove, again, removing this part.) #Jul 'Mdama attacks Sanghelios and discovers that the Swords are rebuilding High Charity. (Except High Charity is still grounded/stuck/crashed on the Lesser Ark as shown with Halo Wars 2. Consider removing this, plus it took a very long time to make High Charity, it would be impossible for the Swords to make a new one so soon.) #Jul telling ONI about the new High Charity (Jul 'Mdama and ONI have never worked together. You'll need to remove this portion.) #ONI sending SPARTAN-IIs to destroy High Charity in Swords of Sanghelios space. (While trust between the SOS and UEG isn't high, they are allies - a new attack on Earth is terribly unlikely. They don't attack each other blatantly like this. Also, sending six SPARTAN-IIs when there's only a handful left of SPARTAN-IIs after the Covenant War seems seriously doubtful and unlikely. I recommend removing this section as well or finding another way to have Xytan fight and defeat Spartans if you really want to do that. preferably something a lot less extreme.) -